Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
