why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We had to coat check the pizza.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
