I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
