I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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