now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
did i walk over a car last night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have aggressive nipples.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
