You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the day after is always just damage control
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we're making bets on your personal life
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
