the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
