i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
