You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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