My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
