I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
