oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
