Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
