I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
