I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
