Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
