I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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