Umm I'm too high to move.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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