Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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