he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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