There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
