I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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