hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
