I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
