I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
