he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
