Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
