you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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