i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
