I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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