In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
