Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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