and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
