Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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