omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
