She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
