I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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