found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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