I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
