He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
