Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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