She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
