it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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