I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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