She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
