I look better un-naked...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
please don't ironically join a cult
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