I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
