Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my poor anus
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
