Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
