...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
