Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The Olympian is in my bed
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