i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
