just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
