I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
