We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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